how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
