I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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