Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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