D3 body, D1 cock
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
