She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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