I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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