i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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