What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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