Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
