You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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