You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
