I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
