So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
