She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
