I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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