Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The Olympian is in my bed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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