i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
