sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
