O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
