it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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