I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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