What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
