I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize