just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
