I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
