Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
