the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
