Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
