a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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