Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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