i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
