My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
