Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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