dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
