super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
