Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Come see our sink grown plant.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
