and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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