I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
