I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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