Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
