i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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