This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
