Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
