i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
