Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
