I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
