I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Houston, we have a blender
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
