My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
