I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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