Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
