Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
