i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
