Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
