there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
