just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
