oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we made out on top of his cat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
