I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
