i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
