I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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