I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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