U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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