Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
