You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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