All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
