Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
