Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
