I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
