i can't believe i had my finger in that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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