So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
