Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
